You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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