Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
