Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drake has all the answers
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
