My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
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