Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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