I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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