Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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