It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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