I will die if light touches me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
