Well apparently he's into motor boating.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
