I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
do nipples grow back?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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