I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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