my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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