drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Come share oat with me in your robe
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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