So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
