Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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