you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
