So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
