just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
