wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
