What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
