the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
