so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
