i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.