Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that