Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.