I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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