I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
