I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
