I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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