Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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