it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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