I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
