I got chris browned last night
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
