I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
