i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
