Don't you send me to vm
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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