so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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