Sorry, I don't speak sober.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize