Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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