weddingsv make me drug and hornr
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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