I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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