im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
