when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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