At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
