apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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