I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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