I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
