her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
