i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
