If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
