Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize