So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
