Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
