ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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