I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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