My room smells like vodka and shame
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
