that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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