thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
