Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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