I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
