You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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