It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
