would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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