Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
