About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.