I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
operation harelip BJ is a go
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
