I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.