another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...