erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
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My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do