yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So squirting runs in the family.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.