Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pants are for mortals
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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