She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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